When Expectations Kill Our Chances of Happiness

I expected…

  1. to be successful in my twenties
  2. to be happily married
  3. to have perfect children in my thirties and forties
  4. to be on my way to fame and fortune

It did not turn out the way I imagined.

The really big problem was living up to my own expectations.

The solution was not to lower expectations but to keep them fluid; to remember that taking things for granted or assuming that I knew what was best for my future killed…

  1. joy
  2. hope
  3. patience
  4. gratitude
  5. delight in the moment
  6. rational thought
  7. the ability to move forward quickly

Byron Katie




One thought on “When Expectations Kill Our Chances of Happiness

  1. That is a lot of expectations. I can say that mine were similar for my 20s as well.

    Success is subjective. I believe most of us don’t have enough patience to live up to our expectations and want more than can usually be achieved in the narrow time frame we set. We are often too hard on ourselves, not realizing there are many other things of value during these times.

    Happily married is an ongoing process for sure. At times I’m happy and at times I think maybe I’d either be happier alone or married to someone else. I think marriage is more than the simple statement of happiness … marriage is really about LOVE — something deeper and more meaningful than love when those two concepts are compared. AND there is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy; it is after all, human nature to want to be happy.

    One of the best books I have ever read about relationships is: The Five Love Languages — http://www.5lovelanguages.com

    OMG to have perfect children in your 30s or 40s … so nice, so ideal … so out-of-the-park unrealistic. Children are going to be what they are going to be. What is the definition of PERFECT????!!! Some people can’t even have children for whatever reason. I know — I’m one of them. We made the heartbreaking choice to end a much, much wanted pregnancy due to chromosomal abnormality. Oh my — so awful — so heart wrenching and now children, at least our own, won’t be part of our life picture. I also thought I would have two little ones running around and I was so excited to help them learn about this thing called life … help them with them homework, show them new experiences, feed them well, go to every parent-teacher conference, every spelling-bee and help them grow as both individuals and adults … and now the reality of children isn’t one I’ll have. I only have a nephew and niece and wonderful fur baby cats … that’s it. It is what it is — that trite phrase of acceptance.

    And on the way to fame and fortune … hmmm … what is fame? Why is THAT necessary? I don’t need to be acknowledged by many and fortune … I’m content to happily pay my bills, plan for the care of my future having some luxuries in between. Health is truly where fortune lies … but that’s my opinion, right now, in the moment.

    “The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~ Byron Katie

    Peace and hugs and everything wonderful … thank you for your post today.
    Elizabetcetera 🙂

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