Why My Counterpoints Failed

bang head here

I always considered myself to be fair and reasonable.

That was the first problem.

My relatives have often pointed out that I am opinionated and defensive.

The second was that I assumed my points were better than the person’s with whom I was having a discussion.

This prevented my ears from hearing anything except the pause.

The third was that after a point was made, I quickly rushed in, with passion, to illuminate them.

Promptly barricading the two-way street.

Apparently, I was the only one who thought I was persuasive.

Wake-up Call:

Do Not Try to make a counterpoint before considering and saying:

  1. “Tell me more about that.”
  2. “Very interesting.”
  3. “What else?”

Only then will I not be the cause of heads banging against walls.



2 thoughts on “Why My Counterpoints Failed

  1. I literally forced myself to use, “What else?” on Tuesday when talking with a disgruntled employee that I didn’t want to listen to. I forced myself to look at him, listened to what he said, and said “Okay” after everything he said until he got to the last thing and I said “What else?” This was incredibly difficult to do because I was writhing inside to be angry, defensive and to justify my point of view. BUT, it was highly effective even if my emotions weren’t in tune with my actions. My emotions aligned with my action AFTER I saw the effect.

  2. Wow! Powerful, Kerman! Thanks for sharing. I can so relate. I didn’t do that the other day and got nowhere. It seems so counter intuitive in the moment to give that kind of honor to the person who seems to be so misaligned with our goals…but it is quite the opposite. Love to you Kerman!

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