When I am angry or irritated with someone, the last thing I am thinking about is partnering. Rather, I am thinking about unleashing my dissatisfaction (either aggressively or passive-aggressively) upon whoever is causing me pain.
Yet, as soon as I employ any adversarial approach, the distance to my goal lengthens, walls go up, things get complicated, and the other party’s retaliation seems justifiable to them.
When I have successfully exited this brand of chaos, it has been by using a non-intuitive approach:
- Stepping away from the pain long enough to have healthy, emotional detachment
- Surrendering my own agenda long enough to understand the other party’s concerns
- Only moving ahead when I clearly see a way to partner; where everyone feels like a winner
(As Maya Angelou reminded us, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”)