Ways in Which I Have Acted Small:
Being jealous of the place others have in the Universe
Whining about how unfair the world was to me
Hurting others to make myself feel better
Telling myself that I was more or less valuable than any other human being
Thinking I was common
Wallowing in my limitations and pain
Giving up too quickly
Failing to smile at the future and to act with courage
Ignoring the magnitude of the miracles that sustain me any given moment
Fearing scarcity and loss
I don’t know why this is true, but it seems to be the experience of many I admire. Life asks regular humans to push past what they think is possible, reasonable, or doable in order to find the hero lying dormant within them.
Today I heard myself think, I can’t handle this anymore. I stopped and changed my self-talk to I can do whatever life is requiring of me. Immediately I noticed tangible changes in my body:
- The “butterflies” in my stomach settled
- My mind quit racing
- My pulse decreased
- My breathing became less shallow
Labeling what is happening to me as “normal” instead of “unfair,” “unreasonable,” or “unhealthy” is my first step to stability. Stability must precede tenacity. And tenacity always precedes rewards.
(I reposted because I needed the reminder.)
Life became a lot easier when I quit…
- comparing my progress to that of my peers.
- worrying about impressing my family members.
- using someone else’s success as my measuring stick.
Everything became more serene when a new day became a plain and simple chance to be…
- better than the day before.
- true to my word with everyone.
- aware of the vast and abundant Universe…beckoning…simply beckoning me to live fully now.
I love the accuracy of anxiety being described as a toddler. If I would have thought about this description last night at 3 AM, I would not have let my “toddler brain” take charge of my life. It would have made sense to quietly ignore the relentless insistence that I was wrong about everything and everything about life was wrong.
(Click on above quote for more powerful info about fighting off “The Frightened Toddler”)
Friday the 13th was my mother’s lucky day.
I can’t remember ever having a bad Friday the 13th, well, except maybe the day I went to see “Friday the 13th,” but, the superstitions part of me still wants to have it’s say. When Friday the 13th comes around, I hear myself thinking, “Uh-oh, watch out!” But, this year, I do not intend to listen.
Several years ago I started naming my years. Even-numbered years had always been my favorite until I noticed that the odd-numbered years had been more productive for me. So, instead of entertaining doubts at the beginning of 2018, I named 2018, “My Best Year Ever.”
And…it has been.
I’m carrying over that lesson:
Getting my head around this understanding of failure has been a real challenge.
Failure, to me, was always…
I spent many years hiding rejection scars, pretending I hadn’t failed, blaming and shaming myself and others about failures before I ever experienced the joy of failing forward.
“Failure is not your enemy but your guide to improvement.”