Impulse to Give

There have been times that I have had an impulse to give and have hesitated too long, or tried to ignore the impulse altogether. I have always regretted it. Usually, fear was at the root of my decision.

When I felt I should give a compliment, I may have feared being overshadowed. Will they think they are better than me?

When I felt I should give encouragement, it might have been the fear of rejection. Will they question my motive?

When I felt compelled to offer support, it was probably a fear of failure. Who do I think I am? What do I have to offer?

When I felt an impulse to forgive, it was a fear of someone getting off the hook too easily. If I forgive them, they won’t get what they deserve.

When I felt I should give money, it was the fear of scarcity. Can I afford it? What if I need this in the future?

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None of my fears were grounded. I could not out give the Universe.

Today, I will give without fear.

How to Obliterate Boredom

I always wanted to be able to sing like Adele or Aretha Franklin. Since I couldn’t, I decided to bring that passion to whatever tasks life handed me. However small, boring, or seemingly insignificant those tasks were, I would “sing my life” like I meant it.

Living like this has changed my life, made difficult times go by faster, brought me lots of friends, work, and loyalty, and helped me deliver energy and hope where they were sadly lacking (like at boring jobs, committee meetings, or the DMV).

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“The antidote to exhaustion is not rest but, rather, wholeheartedness.” – David Whyte

What Just Happened?

When we wake up and find ourselves in the wrong place

When our life gets worse with time instead of better

When peace has alluded us

When we wonder what went wrong

Eventually we must see the connection

Between our choices and our emotions

Our sowing and our reaping

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What a Bunch of Crazies!

Listen to anyone, for any length of time, talk about their family, their life story, or what they are angry about, and you will discover enough crazy to last a lifetime. It’s not just politicians, our relatives, Isis, or our exes that are screwed up.

The only healthy way to navigate our whacked-out world is to look ourselves square in the eye and admit our part of the absurdity. Even though we have elaborate techniques for burying our own culpability, each of us owns a significant piece of this action. Bashing others for their part doesn’t make you any better. In fact, it makes you look crazier and makes me feel like getting the heck away from you as fast as I can.

I might start wearing these signs around my neck to remind both of us.

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Build with Love

Sometimes I complain too much about the difficult things life requires me to do. If I am smart, I will see what others can easily see; I need the re-construction, remodel, and renovation that occurs when I am doing a work of love for others, even if I can’t see a positive outcome.

Acknowledging the mystery of this often prevents me from tearing down valuable work with my own hands.

If the Therapist Falls Asleep

I started thinking that I probably wasn’t living my best life when my therapist fell asleep during our counseling session. I’m sure that listening to me wallow in my misery was painfully tedious, especially since the solution was so obvious; I needed to move on.

It took another year before I would entertain that idea (even though, for several months, I had been hoping I would die on my way to work!).

Looking back, it is hard for me to believe I was so stubbornly attached to such a painful construct.  What we think is necessary…often is not.

I hope you will hear life calling you today more quickly than I did.

Look for the clues outside your normal.

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PS. If we are not in therapy, we may want to notice how bored our friends are with our diatribes.

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Out of Order?

When I am “out of order” I am literally doing things out of order.

  • I try to be happy before I take charge of changing my thoughts
  • I try to take charge of my day before securing my personal peace and power
  • I try to take on tasks or projects without love and gratitude
  • I try to serve my family, neighbors, or friends before making sure I am not just “checking the boxes,” posing, or being self-righteous
  • I try to “fix” someone else before fixing myself first

When I insist on doing things my own way, ignoring the natural order of success, maybe I should hang an “out of order” sign around my neck (before someone else does).

Misunderstanding Introverts

All my life, I have irritated introverts by pushing them, overpowering them, interrupting them, and by trying to remake them into extroverts.  Please forgive me.

I now realize I needed to give space, rather than judgement.

On the other hand, as an extrovert, I have been misunderstood by introverts to be flirting or showing off when I was just enjoying the energy I receive through being with other people.

I guess all of us need space to be who we are (even when it doesn’t make sense to our opposites) rather than judgement.

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When Confronted with Injustice and Tragedy

When confronted with injustice and tragedy, (which is a frequent event if we keep up with the news)

Do not merely ask, “Who could do such a thing?” 

Also ask, “Help me recognize the depth of pain, loneliness, and anger in humans who think of doing such things.”

Do not merely ask, “How could something so terrible have happened?”

Also ask, “How can I be more in touch with the painful, tragic things that are happening in people’s lives all over the world, right now.”

Do not merely ask, “How can I physically protect myself and my family from this evil?”

Also ask, “How can I  psychologically shield myself and others from despair and live a courageous life in spite of tragedy?”

Avoiding Blind Spot Terror

Those of us who have almost had a terrifying collision because we failed to be aware of our blind spot, can understand the total shock or pain of finding out what someone really thinks about us.

It’s radically confusing and bewildering, especially if we have…

  • allowed ourselves to depend too much upon what others think of us
  • expected people to be better than us when it comes to talking behind backs
  • expected people not to be dishonest when they are afraid of hurting someone

Being honest is a challenge for us all…not just our “enemies.” We are smart to admit it rather than let dishonesty be our blind spot.