Quick to Condemn You?

If I am quick to condemn you

I will be quick to hide my own darkness

If I am quick to forgive you for being human

I’ll be quick to find my own lightness of being

Quick to heal from disappointment with myself

Quick to hear mercy calling my name

Image result for living in the shadows quotes

Image result for living in the shadows quotes

I am not afraid of your dark only because forgiveness provided the power to overcome and to make my own decisions in the light.

Who Invited Me? (encore)

Who invited me
To be the judge and jury of politicians and other flawed beings?
Who asked for my
Expert advice about how the universe SHOULD be run?
Who am I to judge
Those who have tried and failed or whose motives may be suspect?
If I want to judge
I must try myself, or not cast stones at those who do
If I come down
Off my throne and enter the race
It may prove
To be tougher than it looks from above the fray
It’s okay
To have an opinion and yes, passion, about what is fair
If I am willing to do more than screech about how I care

Speak up

(originally posted July 2015)

The Scariest Things (Encore)

The scariest thing about depression is how it feels like a permanent state.
The scariest thing about my life is how I almost gave in to that feeling.
The scariest thing about today is how much I would have missed if I had.


So glad I didn’t miss “the Second Act.”

The Second Act is where the scary, chaotic monster of “the First Act” transforms into an angel.
The scariest thing is how inexplicably it happens.

But, what really scares me the most…is that you won’t believe me.

Me First!


First to apologize. First to forgive. First to forget.

As a kid, I really wish I had known how to fight for being first in line for these privileges.

The whole apology thing could have saved me years of guilt and shame.

If I could have known it was okay to admit I made a dumb mistake when my kindergarten friend showed up at my house with a ginormous birthday gift for an imaginary birthday party which I accidentally invited her to…

Instead, I crafted an elaborate cover-up to hide my embarrassment over her embarrassment.

She never spoke to me again and I didn’t forgive myself for over a decade.

Maybe learning to be first in line for these three skills should have been the first thing we learned in the first grade.

Recurring Final Exam Dream

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I didn’t realize it was so common. You show up for the first time to a class on the day of the exam and feel so confused about why, oh why, you haven’t been coming to the class all semester. My class is like Calculus. What was I thinking?

(see Psychology Today article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/radical-teaching/200909/recurring-final-exam-dream)

Lately, the dream has shifted to managing a nightmarish shift in a restaurant, wondering where I was when everything cratered?

Whatever the setting, both dreams alert me to an inner state of feeling utterly under-prepared.


But, the really cool thing about having the dream is the opportunity to peer into my sub-conscious and be totally honest with myself.

Breadcrumbs on the path to authenticity.

And authenticity is the foundation of joy.

When Mission Is Out of Control

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People who are driven by mission are awesome, unless:

  • They won’t shut up about the mission
  • Mission is such an obsession that they don’t see the people around them

I am a mission-driven person. I have so much I want to accomplish, but, there is nothing more noble to accomplish than to give great energy to whoever is around me, right now. Losing sight of that makes my mission frickin’ annoying.

Feeling Like an Imposter?

When Amy Cuddy reluctantly admitted in a TEDTalk that she had been plagued with feeling like an imposter, she connected with millions who have also lived in fear of being caught by the “fraud police.”

Had I known that I wasn’t the only one, I would have:

  • realized this feeling was part of the human experience
  • quit apologizing for being myself
  • been a lot more free to be authentic without shame
  • “brought my boldest self to my biggest challenges”

When my story about myself is one of being inferior to others, I shrink.

When my story is one of being enough, I occupy a larger space in the world.

We never have to apologize for being anywhere in this world.

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Click on the photo above to hear how to program our body language to change how we feel about our own right to be here.

Reality Check (or Chick)

One of the great perplexities of life is how everyone can have such strong opinions about how to fix the world and other people yet, no clue about how to fix themselves.

Image result for fixing everyone except ourselves

I’m trying to clear up my own airspace by not sharing my unsolicited, authoritative opinions so often. I think it may stop Global Boring.

(Like…take care of your own stuff, Pam.)

Wow, that was tiring sitting as judge and jury for the whole world. What a relief. I feel less fatigued already.

Now, for the real work.

“It’s easier to play God than to love God in others.” -Dr. Henri Nouwen

Dysfunctional Equations

Judging and blaming others = Hiding our own screw-ups

Hiding our own screw-ups = Internal pain, dissonance, and self-betrayal

Internal pain, dissonance, and self-betrayal = Being sick and tired

Being sick and tired = Missing out on the love and joy for which we long

Missing out on the love and joy for which we long = More judging and blaming others


The only way out of this sick cycle of dysfunction is to interrupt it with the unconditional acceptance of others just as they are. The tricky part is that we have to start with accepting ourselves, especially the not-so-admirable, very human parts, just as we are. And…finally…the right equation:

Delighting in, and accepting others = Peace, happiness, and hope

The change is so worth the effort.