Dysfunctional Equations

Judging and blaming others = Hiding our own screw-ups

Hiding our own screw-ups = Internal pain, dissonance, and self-betrayal

Internal pain, dissonance, and self-betrayal = Being sick and tired

Being sick and tired = Missing out on the love and joy for which we long

Missing out on the love and joy for which we long = More judging and blaming others

 

The only way out of this sick cycle of dysfunction is to interrupt it with the unconditional acceptance of others just as they are. The tricky part is that we have to start with accepting ourselves, especially the not-so-admirable, very human parts, just as we are. And…finally…the right equation:

Delighting in, and accepting others = Peace, happiness, and hope

The change is so worth the effort.

Sleep School

I almost went to bed troubled.

But, I remembered the suggestion of Dr. Joseph Murphy, author of The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, and, instead, asked for dreams that would give me clarity and direction for helping people in my life. I woke this morning with:

  • specific instruction for specific people

  • important information about myself that I had previously ignored

  • peace for the future

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Image result for power of your subconscious mind quotes

Unpack the Story

Everyone has a story. If I ask the right questions and have a little patience, I might hear it.

Speaking in Mississippi and eating dinner with a group of crusty oilfield foreman and superintendents, I asked them to share something interesting about their lives. The quietest and most resistant said, “I’ve got nothing to say. There’s nothing interesting about my life.” I left him alone and asked the other guys. After a lot of laughs and revelations, I came back to him and nudged a little.

He reluctantly mumbled, “Well, a long time ago, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s plane crashed in my backyard and my new wife and I helped get survivors to the hospital on my 4-wheeler.”

Image result for lynyrd skynyrd plane crash site

Image result for lynyrd skynyrd plane crash site

We spent the rest of the evening listening to his story.

Everyone is interesting.

Feeling Offended?

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I love this quote. It reminds me that insults only hurt if they hit close to home or if we invest a lot of time protecting our ego from them.

The happiest people are those who spend the least time feeling offended.

To get there, I have to be comfortable with my innate value as a human in training. 

Happy day to you…dealing with whatever comes your way.

Giving or Taking Energy?

We often kid ourselves into thinking that we are not guilty of taking energy from people even though it is so very common for others to steal our own.

When we lapse into negativity, nagging, self-centered behaviors, or playing the victim (by complaining about people and circumstances), we inevitably join the ranks of the “energy thieves.”

Even when we judge another’s motive, expect everyone to be energized by the same things that energize us, or fail to value someone’s feelings and opinions as much as we value our own, we have become a drain versus a fountain of refreshment.

It is easy to detect the “drain” in others. More difficult to see it in ourselves.

Sometimes other people “suck.” Sometimes it is us.

Why-I’m-Acting-the-Way-I’m-Acting Reminder

If I hurt your feelings…

If I missed the point…

If I don’t get you…

If I am not excited about your idea…

If I am bored…

If I am irritating…

It may because I didn’t remember that you don’t think the way I think, communicate the way I communicate, or prefer the things that I prefer.

As this pic cleverly demonstrates, we may all be “Legos” but we are all not the same type of Lego.

In the pic, the green (Show Me You Care) block represents the Feelers among us who value compassion and peace-making above all. The blue (Give Me Details) block represents the Thinkers who value accuracy and facts above all. The yellow (Involve Me) block represents the Talkers who value fun, inclusion, and collaboration above all. And the red (Be Brief, Be Bright, Be Gone) block represents the Doers who value decisive action above all else.

Smart Legos don’t roll their eyes. They remember why.

Are You Ordering What You Really Want?

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After having massive tech challenges with a new phone and new web server, I heard myself saying, “They have screwed me up forever.”

What a pronouncement! No wonder my challenges were not improving! Adjusting to, “I’m sure things will work out soon,” the unfixable was miraculously fixed.

A few days before that experience, frustrated about airport delays, I had exaggerated on the phone, “I probably won’t get home until after nine o’clock!” When I walked in my door, it was ten after nine.

How often do I need proof that…

“Whatever we say about ourselves and our lives is the “order” we are placing in the Universe’s restaurant.”

Lisa Nichols

John Assaraf and Lisa Nichols remind us to use our thoughts and words to order a better future for ourselves.

Happy People Are Sexy (Encore)

Want to be more appealing to the opposite sex?

  1. Have a generous and sincere smile

  2. Be genuinely interested in others without strings attached

  3. Laugh at yourself

  4. Delight in life

  5. Be responsible but healthily detached from outcomes

  6. Be courageous

Anxiety is the thief of competence.

Self-absorption is the thief of sex-appeal.

Even if you are struggling with depression, a negative self-image, unemployment, health issues, job stress, or family challenges, letting go long enough to get out of your narrow prison and see the wide world out there will bring vast benefits to you and others.

You have what it takes to conquer your challenges.

Surrender your ego and your fear…and watch the world come to you.

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But I Can’t Stop Long Enough to Do This

It is easier to move from thing to thing to thing than to stop and understand who I am that moves from thing to thing to thing.

I have learned from painful experience, that when I try to move from thing to thing to thing without first understanding who I am and who I am not, my work is inferior to the work I could have done had I taken the time to know first. 

When I am not occupied with protecting my self image, when I can smile at my finiteness, then I am the best version of myself, moving with lightness through time.

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It is so hard to know myself because I think the doing is the being.

I think I am here and I will always be here.

I think there is no mystery.

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