My Embarrassing Upheavals Are Up to Date

The moving Folsom Prison group-therapy documentary, The Work, was so worth watching and reminded me of my own weekend group-therapy experience.

Except…in my own group, I was kicked out for smiling too much.

The leaders thought I was hiding behind a fake smile, unwilling to be vulnerable (which is, admittedly, a commonly-used defense mechanism).

But I really was genuinely happy; happy because I wasn’t afraid anymore to be open about my pathetic errors, hidden pain, and less-than-admirable sub-conscious longings.

I was up to date with upheavals and confessions–an approach I highly recommend.

(Not to say that there haven’t been, or wouldn’t be, many more. When self-examination is a lifestyle, uncomfortable revelations abound, but that weekend, everything had already been excavated and divulged. I had done the work and it felt good.)

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Especially When Darkness is Winning

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It’s a strange place we inhabit.

Who’s to say what joy may come out of pain? What life may come out of death? What light out of darkness?

But, we all can say (from experience) that despairing in pain, in darkness, or in death only made matters worse.

Ain’t no one got time for that!

So, who’s to say that we cannot challenge the darkness…and win?

Our heroes have.

The Scariest Things (Encore)

The scariest thing about depression is how it feels like a permanent state.
The scariest thing about my life is how I almost gave in to that feeling.
The scariest thing about today is how much I would have missed if I had.


So glad I didn’t miss “the Second Act.”

The Second Act is where the scary, chaotic monster of “the First Act” transforms into an angel.
The scariest thing is how inexplicably it happens.

But, what really scares me the most…is that you won’t believe me.

For the Lovesick

Before deciding we can’t live without someone, this quote might be worth considering:

Why we want someone is a complicated matter.

So often I wanted a certain someone for what they did for my social status (ego), my biological needs (lust), or my lack in the maturity and character department (insecurity). This insightful quote by Simon Cowell shows a side I haven’t seen of him…and admittedly, of me (at times).

The best thing I ever did for myself was admit what it was I really wanted, enabling me to take the reins of my own happiness out of the hands of someone else.


I’ve posted this quote from before, but thought it might be time for a repeat.

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Stop the blame-and-shame-train with “What was I learning?”

Otherwise, it’s not just me that will suffer.

I will beat others up with my…

  • repetitive monologues

  • intolerance of others’ mistakes

  • destructive judgements and projections

When Mission Is Out of Control

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People who are driven by mission are awesome, unless:

  • They won’t shut up about the mission
  • Mission is such an obsession that they don’t see the people around them

I am a mission-driven person. I have so much I want to accomplish, but, there is nothing more noble to accomplish than to give great energy to whoever is around me, right now. Losing sight of that makes my mission frickin’ annoying.

The Fading Victim

Rise up.

Lift your head with resolve

Relax your grasping hands and your furrowed brow

Drop the skeleton of your thwarted dreams

And walk away with a firm step planted in this good earth


The fading victim

(Just yesterday, so strong and threatening)

Has, at last, yielded 

To unexpected joy

(Written in memory of myself, rescued by the inspiration of a myriad of angels, women, and men whom the world was not worthy to know.)

Reality Check (or Chick)

One of the great perplexities of life is how everyone can have such strong opinions about how to fix the world and other people yet, no clue about how to fix themselves.

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I’m trying to clear up my own airspace by not sharing my unsolicited, authoritative opinions so often. I think it may stop Global Boring.

(Like…take care of your own stuff, Pam.)

Wow, that was tiring sitting as judge and jury for the whole world. What a relief. I feel less fatigued already.

Now, for the real work.

“It’s easier to play God than to love God in others.” -Dr. Henri Nouwen

“I Was Wrong”

Kelly Corrigan’s brutally honest book about twelve hard things to say includes great apology instructions.

Saying, “I was wrong” makes an “I’m sorry” so much more potent. “I’m sorry” gets thrown around so often that it tends to trigger cynicism.

“I was wrong” (combined with the specific error) brings relief to those who desperately need to know we get it.

It’s not easy to say. But, it is easier when we remember being wrong isn’t the same as being bad. We are learning. We are erring. We are sometimes blinded by our selfishness or our ego. We are human.

Let’s make June 2018 our best June ever…beginning with the apologies people long to hear.

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