The Pain of Being “Endured”

Even on the faces of strangers, it is often easy to spot relationships that have passed from enjoyment to obligation. Sadly, so many of us think we are doing someone a favor by “trudging through a relationship” when this could not be farther from the truth. Humans are not built for the pain of being “endured” rather than celebrated.

In this type of arrangement, both the “tolerater” and the tolerated are cheated. Both are inviting all manner of disease into their bodies, minds, and spirits, and tragically, into their other relationships.

We can only unlock the door of this toxic prison at work and at home by:

1) Getting back to a place of delight by focusing on what we love instead of what we dislike about someone (this works wonders!), or by

2) Being honest enough to own the dysfunction and mature enough to set each other free without bitterness.

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Real relationships give life…not the appearance of life.

Ready for Anything

“It doesn’t matter what fate awaits us; it only matters that we face whatever it is with courageous abandon.” – Carlos Castaneda

And this makes all the difference…not just for our own sanity and strength, but for the sanity and strength of others.

After a twenty-seven year marriage, my husband and I reluctantly divorced, maintaining a great respect for each other. Neither of us believed in divorce so the legal process was humiliating. Representing myself in the proceedings, I had to go through a tedious special request process in order to waive a claim to child-support, which prolonged the agony.

Afterwards, several court employees and litigators made a point to tell me that my spirit of dignity and unprecedented kindness toward my ex had been an inspiration to them.

I had no idea that anyone had noticed.

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Two-Minute Tune-Up 12.4.12 About Letting Go

victim

When living in a totally “dragged down” state, we are often “bound” by the stories we tell ourselves about why we are victims and cannot let go.

In my “former life,” the story was about moral obligation to suffer through and die to myself.

Of course there are times that we must endure for the sake of others. But, if being a victim to “moral obligation” is punishing everyone in our lives as well, we might want to rethink the “moral obligation.”

Take the divorce scenario, for example: many believe divorce is wrong, but they hope their spouse dies so they can get out of the relationship.  Is that morally superior????

How in the world has our reasoning gotten us to this place of hypocrisy?

Start here:

Challenge your beliefs.