Where Do You Live?

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“The words you speak become the house you live in.”  -Hafiz

In the past, when I wasn’t pleased with my situation, I thought that I had been a victim of a cruel fate, injustices, and others’ misjudgments. And, I seldom missed a chance to let everyone know about it. Now I realize:

  • my words were defining my experience.
  • many “injustices” I thought I suffered were self-inflicted. I was just clueless.
  • uncomfortable “accommodations” were part of the journey to appreciating the better ones to come.
  • happiness was always an inside job.

In the beginning was the word.

My words are the architect, the interior designer, and the realtor for the place I want to live.

A Payoff from the Process

Acceptance of one’s life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes, and injustices. – Paul Tournier
That’s a heck of a lot to accept.
Who wants to accept hereditary handicaps, suffering, psychological baggage, topped off with injustices?
Not me. Not anyone. That’s awful!
Yet, nature teaches that there will be a transformation and a payoff…when I decide to submit to the mysterious usefulness of all the awful stuff  that I wanted to be angry about.
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Or I can stay angry, miss the blossoming, and make a lot of people miserable in the process.

The Destroyer

If you want to find out where everything went wrong

If you want to figure out how all the chaos got started

If you want to discover when the loving stopped

Or the joy vanished

And the easy became hard

If you want to track down the villain in the story

And punish him

Then do it quickly

Track down the fear in your own heart and disown it now

Because it is faster than cancer

And more destructive than the impact and shrapnel from a thousand bombs

It has tutored your ego into malice

And baited your intellect into stupidity

It has sucked your blood until you were the real vampire, the real boogie, the scariest zombie

From the most gruesome nightmare ever dreamed

And it was you all along

You! who gave fear the key

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Cry Baby Alert

Nothing shakes me out of my self-centeredness, ethnocentrism, and poor-me problems more than reading biographies and fiction about the struggles of passionate men and women in other times and places. The first book that called me out on my bull#h*t was Les Miserables. When I read it many years ago, the plights of Jean Valjean, Fantine, and Cosette, representing the real problems of the time period, shook me hardily out of the illusion of my “difficult life.” Other books followed suit: Roots, Tale of Two Cities, A Good Earth, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Man’s Search for Meaning, The Hiding Place, etc. And, more currently, Jungle of Stone, A Thousand Splendid Suns, Endurance, Pillars of the Earth, Outlander, The Glass Castle, Same Kind of Different as Me, and countless others.

I hope you don’t have the same tendency that I have to become a small-minded cry-baby. But if you ever do, I hope you will let a book rescue you.

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A Balanced Inventory

I may not be happy with numerous things in the world…but, I am happy with a gazillion other things (like clean water and internet access).

I may have aged a lot in the last few years…but, my face has fewer bumps (because I have a dermatologist who took them off).

I may have  a larger waist…but, I have a larger purpose too (because being attractive was never a sustainable project).

I may have fewer admirers…but, I have learned to do the admiring (because, after all these years, I have finally accepted myself, which, by the way, gives me more time to admire others).

Because, it is so important to give myself a broader perspective (on issues both large and small), I have made a pact with myself to always balance the info I allow in my head. If I am fed bad news, I feed myself good news. It’s that simple. It’s not being Pollyanna positive, it’s being productively practical; just opening my eyes a little wider.

I am in charge of the feed.

Thank you Astronaut Col. Chris Hadfield for your example: http://www.interestingshit.com/nature/good-news-stories/

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Recipe for Accomplishment

Some leaders define Vision simply as imagination plus courage.  This definition reminds me that any remarkable accomplishment happens because someone had the courage to stand for what could be. And that…

  • My imagination has a purpose.
  • I have ideas that can make a difference.
  • Many brave people before me have tenaciously fought against unbelievable odds for ideas that mattered.
  • Their imagination and courage made a difference for me.

If I have imagined anything that can benefit others and if my dream makes me feel alive, chances are…this is what I was born to do.

And, if I want to accomplish anything, I must remember this on the days my efforts appear useless.

Courage.

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Will the Real World Please Stand Up? (weekend repost)

In Kate Braestrup’s book Here If You Need Me she tells the story of coping with her husband’s premature death through the lens of her work as a Maine Game Warden Chaplain.

I resonated with her description of the “parallel worlds” of light and darkness and the hinge” of death or tragedy that can swing us suddenly from one into the other.

We can live casually, surrounded by the comfort of things and people we love, but, we must always remember the temporal nature of this state. Things will change; our whole life will swing into uncharted territory. And, I am convinced, along with Kate, that if we want to know where God is in all of the upheaval, we must look for love

…in whatever world we find ourselves.

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Very Slowly Letting Go

“We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

When I reached No. 3: Give up Playing Small, in Zdravko Cvijetic’s “13 Things You Should Give Up If You Want To Be Successful,” it reminded me of two things:

  1. The fears (that kept me small) I have already challenged and banished
  2. The fears I am still hanging on to

Conclusion: My progress may not be impressive, but at least I am very slowly…letting go.

 

As I review two thousand and sixteen

I celebrate the fears I no longer claim

And, trembling, plan an attack

On the terrifying ones that remain

Here’s to hoping (for everyone’s sake)

That you will resolutely do the same

 

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https://medium.com/personal-growth/13-things-you-need-to-give-up-if-you-want-to-be-successful-44b5b9b06a26#.jh4eimhwc

Punishing Grief

Many of us think that our grief and anger are private issues, that we, alone, must bear them and we, alone, have the right to decide how long we will grieve or be angry.

It is critical not to “stuff ” our grief and anger, yet, when we prolong our grief or anger, what we often fail to consider are those who will suffer in the wake of that choice: those who will be forced to shoulder our burden, because we are not ourselves, we are unavailable, or we are so occupied with our own pain that we cannot function as a true friend or partner.

Along with our faces, sadness and anger will also mar our relationships.

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Solution to the Doom and Gloom Equation

Often when the weight of tomorrow is too heavy

When I cannot find justification for my efforts

Because the trouble ahead appears to far exceed my strength

Multiplying instead of dividing

Challenge upon challenge

Task upon task

And fear upon fear

The problem is that I am expecting

Tomorrow’s solutions to be drawn from resources I possess today

What I haven’t calculated within this equation 

Are the new mercies of friends and fate

Or tricks of destiny that will appear on a single date

Somehow equaling the demand of this day’s needs

With just enough carry over for slipping soundly to sleep

Into a better tomorrow

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One day at a time.