Instead of:
I asked my IT guy about a problem and found out he googled the answer.
I followed his lead and found I could be a solution person instead of a problem person.
Now, if we can just remember to use Google to help us fix relationships. (See TEDTalks and YouTube)
Ever had your world completely shattered by one bit of knowledge?
Ever been surprised by how wrong you could be?
Ever looked back at your faulty assumptions from just a few years ago?
Ever embarrassed yourself because of your knowledge gaps?
Once we get over the fact that we not all-knowing, it’s easier to hunger after instruction, knowledge, mentoring, coaching, and wisdom. The following link is to a TEDTalk about Camels (of all things), but contains a brilliant path to awareness.
“We are all just one shard of a bone away from seeing the world in a completely different way.”
Whatever we do, we must keep learning…at any cost…for our own good.
I’ve always loved this quote and have long used it as a measure of authenticity and genuine kindness in a person.
(If you are dating online, watch what they do and say to {or about} someone they are not trying to impress.)
Until recently I thought Samuel Johnson was just a really smart guy, prolific writer, and author of the first English language dictionary. He was so much more; blind in one eye, barely able to see out of the other, deaf in one ear, scarred and disfigured from childhood diseases, poor and unrecognized until late in his life, he was a man who became generous by way of pain.
“Samuel Johnson fervently believed in each individual’s mysterious complexity and inherent dignity.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was half-way through the audiobook Makers by Wired magazine’s editor, Chris Anderson. It was due back at the library so I wasn’t going to finish it. What a mistake that would’ve been! The part I really needed was on the last two discs.
I never finished reading 7 Habits of Highly-Effective People because it was such a long book. Too bad. The part I really needed was in Habit 5. Years later, Habit 5 changed my life.
Because I tend to underestimate my need for enlightenment, I skim instead of sticking with something to the end…especially when it comes to reading instructions, or an important book, or anything that requires patience.
I wonder what else I have missed.
In Yes, Please! Amy talks about the “demon-voice” that whispered to her about her deficits and inadequacies. I am so glad she recognized and rejected this whispering demon-voice that told her she wasn’t pretty enough or whatever-enough to be loved or worthy of being loved.
What a difference it made for her.
What a difference it can make for us.
I’ve watched the destruction this “whispering thieve” causes between siblings, cousins, friends, peers, strangers, coworkers, bosses, neighbors, families, countries, and businesses, and been caught in its horrible wake numerous times. Enough is enough.
It’s never too early…or too late…to start.
The guy who parked over the line and took up two parking spaces:
a) could be very selfish, or
b) could have parked poorly because someone else parked terribly wrong before he got there
The woman who is talking on the phone while driving:
a) could be clueless, or
b) could be taking an emergency call about a seriously-ill child
The car that is causing you a traffic nightmare by refusing to go the speed limit:
a) should have stayed off the roads entirely, or
b) could be having car problems, or
c) is behind another car that is slowing everyone down, including them
So many possible explanations.
So much room for mercy.
Someday, we’ll be the “bad driver” who deserves the benefit of the doubt.
But, it might be helpful to keep in mind that we have all said, and will continue to say stupid stuff, regardless of how smart we think we are.
Photo courtesy of jcmcculley.com
People-watching is a common pastime, yet it can quickly turn into people-judging, unless…before opening our mouths, or even before formulating a thought about someone, we remind ourselves of this…
Protecting ourselves from jerks, asserting ourselves, or claiming our rights, is often essential. Yet, even in these cases, it is important to remember:
Navigating relationships with bosses, coworkers, relatives, or romantic partners can be an emotional roller-coaster or even a dangerous mine-field. Remembering this lessens the tension and redeems the experience…
In the end, relationships are everything. In the end, it will always be about our relationships and how we handled them…
Allies or enemies.
Friends or foes.
Lovers or strangers.
And always, when stakes are high.
“With malice toward none, with charity for all.” – Lincoln
Throughout history, countless millions have suffered unjustly, died before their time, been cheated out of opportunities, and lived without fulfillment or hope. Reading books as Les Miserable and The Hunchback of Notre Dame first opened my eyes, then there were recent books such as A Thousand Splendid Suns and Kite Runner that challenged my limited awareness of the world beyond my own personal drama.
Now, I read about these experiences of my brothers and sisters throughout the world, not only to be compassionate, but also to remind myself to keep things in perspective. They remind me to reach before I despair.
Thoughts I have in the middle of the night seem so true and so brilliant…until I review them the next morning.
Similarly, the ideas I have clung to while angry, critical, bitter, depressed, or playing the martyr, I can now see, were also completely void of brilliance.
Byron Katie teaches a wonderful way to relieve the suffering that comes from living a life founded on our unexamined thoughts. The Work always begins by honestly asking the following four questions about our judgments:
The problem is often that we will not take adequate and essential time to question our own authority. We would rather sleep in our illusions.
Our minds will help us love and be loved if we quit telling it what to think.
