Best Argument for Listening to Someone You Don’t Agree with

For many years I didn’t get along well with bosses. I pretended. I talked behind their backs. I thought they were idiots.

Unfortunately for me, they were the people who could tell me the truth about myself.

Saying “What can I do to fix this?” would have been much more effective than dissing their opinions. Arguing and defending my own perspective is what I chose to do instead. It got me nowhere.

When I finally got humble enough to see myself from the outside, my world rearranged itself into peace and success.

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“Sometimes you can’t see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”

When “Caring” Backfires


I am following a “caring script,” doing what I think is expected of me.


I want you to think I am caring.

Strings attached.

I will care for you, when, and only if, you do something for me in return.


I am being “caring” because I want you to know that I am superior in character or knowledge.


Caring must be done for its own sake.

When this is not the case, we are not doing anyone any favors.


Putting Ourselves to Sleep?

“If the individual receives no satisfaction from his work for its own sake, he dies internally, a condition which no financial reward can justly compensate.” – Timothy Gallwey

This quote describes the inner struggle I experienced while working to support my family in the wrong job.

Sometimes, for a season, many of us are constrained to do so. In those cases, rather than die inside…

  1. Don’t give up hope. When things were the darkest for me, it was because I believed having a job that fully engaged my talents was out of reach. (It wasn’t.)

  2. Be completely present. For the sake of those we serve. “The anecdote for exhaustion is wholeheartedness.” – David Whyte

  3. Challenge yourself. Character goals. Physical goals. Relationship goals. Efficiency goals. Success is sweet…no matter how small.


This March…march into your best life.


According to research presented in Daniel Pink’s book When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timingthe single best predictor of a good employee/boss relationship is how prompt the boss is at returning calls, texts, and emails. 

In my experience, it is also a good predictor of…

  • a successful client/vendor relationship
  • a happy romantic relationship
  • salesperson/potential customer relationship
  • any other relationship I can think of

I have met some very brilliant and interesting people, many with whom I would have loved to work or get to know better, yet, if they failed to show a sense of urgency, stood me up, or constantly rescheduled appointments, I moved on.

The most common excuse is “I am too busy,” yet, the best bosses (salespeople, partners, etc.) are never too busy for their priorities.

When we wonder why relationships aren’t working better, it might be good to start here.

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Storing Up the Wrong Facts

Mediating an angry relationship between clients, it became obvious that each had been building a case against the other for quite some time.

See if you recognize the pattern:

  1. You hurt my feelings.

  2. I didn’t talk it out with you.

  3. I decided you were cruel.

  4. Everything you did afterward proved it.

Sorting through the bitterness on both sides, I found the list of wrongs committed were miniscule and inconclusive compared to the resulting indictments and dysfunction.  (Unfortunately, that is often the way we humans role; pronouncing guilt without the trial.)

If I want to be better than that, and avoid mounds of pain, I must:

  1. Question my assumptions...because what I think I know may not be so.

  2. Remember that it is impossible for me to truly know another’s motives or feelings.

  3. Give the benefit of the doubt.

“Learning” People

Discussing with a client his need to be completely present with people while they were talking, he said,

“I can fix this if I focus on people in the manner I focus on learning to play the guitar. Learning an instrument requires my full attention. I thought I already knew people.”

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…just like learning an instrument.

When Music Invades Our Hearts

  • Jolted by a song?

  • Unexpected tears at a harmony?

  • Moved by Gregorian Chants?

  • Hearing a haunting melody in your mind?

Whether you believe this quote or not, music is mysteriously connected to our inner being and has the power to right our mind if we allow it.

Times when I need music most:

  • Feeling lost and overwhelmed
  • Surrounded by trouble and pain
  • Out of energy and joy

The challenge is remembering to stop and make time for the healing.

When I do, the return on investment is astounding.

Walk On into the Lions’ Den

No one has ever thrown me into a den of lions and locked the door, but by the thump of my racing heart (in far less threatening circumstances), one would think they had.

The fear of rejection or disapproval has often stopped me dead in my tracks even in something as simple as marketing myself or just trying something new.

That subtle fear of looking like a fool paralyzes even though I am consciously aware that another’s opinion or a temporary setback is terribly inconsequential.

So, practicing walking on in is what I need the most.

Courage to believe…

  • the Universe supports me through danger
  • when I am courageous, others benefit
  • I was born for overcoming

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Feel the fear and do it anyway. – Susan Jeffers

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Givers Gain.

Givers Gain. If tempted to think that givers lose, or that givers are taken advantage of, I remind myself…

  • giving is what I am here to do

  • nothing in the world feels better than giving freely

  • I can’t guarantee that I will have the opportunity to give tomorrow

  • I can’t out-give the Universe’s generosity and,

  • all I have has been generously given to me

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(inspired by Bernie Beck’s Leadership Strikes blog)

Okay, I’ve Had Enough! I’m Taking Over!


Your Guide to Becoming Your Own Designer:

  • Refuse to give up.

  • Use your creative energy and your subconscious mind to envision yourself as an overcomer.

  • Be the person you want to hang around right now.

  • Decide you have something to give that the world needs.

  • Read about people like Buckminster Fuller who defiantly “kicked in” desperation’s door when he found himself suicidal.

  • Now, courageously move forward, smiling at the future.

(first posted in 2013)