Where Does Love Live?

Where does love live in my body?

In my eyes?

When they observe in gentleness

in no hurry to sneer or blink?

In my blood?

Rushing mile after mile, there and back

until every thirsty cell has its needed drink?

In my lungs?

Deeply breathing in the essential now

without thought for what comes next?

In my muscles?

Springing into action and relaxing

into benevolence?

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This poem was inspired by a meditation in the book, Practice You by Elena Brower.

(Thank you, Allison Graves, for the conduit of awareness.)

Feeling Unfairly Overlooked?

I spent years as a disgruntled employee, feeling unjustly slighted, before I even tiptoed close to the possibility that it might be my fault.

I now wish I had made sure I wasn’t part of the problem before I accused so many people of evil.

The same was true for the times I was dumped or I felt ignored in relationships.

There was more to the story.

There is always more to the story.

It’s called…their side.

Some of the reasons we don’t know their side are:

  • they are afraid to tell us

  • we don’t listen and respond well when they try to tell us

  • candor (with ourselves and others) is a very rare skill that few have mastered

So, instead of wasting my time retelling my sob story to myself and anyone who will listen, I started learning how to fix the parts that were my fault.

It’s pretty amazing how fast my life got better.

 

 

“Kindsight”

I’ve posted this quote from http://www.notsalmon.com before, but thought it might be time for a repeat.

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Stop the blame-and-shame-train with “What was I learning?”

Otherwise, it’s not just me that will suffer.

I will beat others up with my…

  • repetitive monologues

  • intolerance of others’ mistakes

  • destructive judgements and projections

What To Do when Every Path Looks Uninviting

When all you feel is pain…

When life is so absurd you cannot believe it is really happening to you…

When every path looks uninviting…

Here are the instructions:

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 3:

You are now entering the territory of heroes and legends.

When My Life Feels Watered-Down

When my life feels watered down is it usually because I have been too busy dodging life rather than corralling the power I need to master it.

Today, a personal inventory revealed a sucking hole in my center, and a trail of ho-hum results and interactions; all completely avoidable, had I just used a few of my breaths for observation and reflection before diving in.

The shocking truth, though, is how easily I can be fooled into thinking I am fine without making this effort.

Especially when the day seems run-of-the-mill.

Especially when everything seems just fine.

Especially when I think I’ve got this.

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Recurring Final Exam Dream

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I didn’t realize it was so common. You show up for the first time to a class on the day of the exam and feel so confused about why, oh why, you haven’t been coming to the class all semester. My class is like Calculus. What was I thinking?

(see Psychology Today article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/radical-teaching/200909/recurring-final-exam-dream)

Lately, the dream has shifted to managing a nightmarish shift in a restaurant, wondering where I was when everything cratered?

Whatever the setting, both dreams alert me to an inner state of feeling utterly under-prepared.

Shiver!

But, the really cool thing about having the dream is the opportunity to peer into my sub-conscious and be totally honest with myself.

Breadcrumbs on the path to authenticity.

And authenticity is the foundation of joy.

When Mission Is Out of Control

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People who are driven by mission are awesome, unless:

  • They won’t shut up about the mission
  • Mission is such an obsession that they don’t see the people around them

I am a mission-driven person. I have so much I want to accomplish, but, there is nothing more noble to accomplish than to give great energy to whoever is around me, right now. Losing sight of that makes my mission frickin’ annoying.

Cray-Cray Preventative

When I have done the most whacked-out, embarrassing, things…is was usually because I was hiding something.

The most self-destructive people I know have often had an undealt-with painful “secret.”

The times I caused others pain could often be traced to a well-disguised ego issue.

The best preventative I have found is…

Owning all of my stuff without shame.

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“The only way to get rid of your past is to make a future out of it. God will waste nothing.”

-Phillip Brooks

Feeling Like an Imposter?

When Amy Cuddy reluctantly admitted in a TEDTalk that she had been plagued with feeling like an imposter, she connected with millions who have also lived in fear of being caught by the “fraud police.”

Had I known that I wasn’t the only one, I would have:

  • realized this feeling was part of the human experience
  • quit apologizing for being myself
  • been a lot more free to be authentic without shame
  • “brought my boldest self to my biggest challenges”

When my story about myself is one of being inferior to others, I shrink.

When my story is one of being enough, I occupy a larger space in the world.

We never have to apologize for being anywhere in this world.

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Click on the photo above to hear how to program our body language to change how we feel about our own right to be here.

The Fading Victim

Rise up.

Lift your head with resolve

Relax your grasping hands and your furrowed brow

Drop the skeleton of your thwarted dreams

And walk away with a firm step planted in this good earth

 

The fading victim

(Just yesterday, so strong and threatening)

Has, at last, yielded 

To unexpected joy


(Written in memory of myself, rescued by the inspiration of a myriad of angels, women, and men whom the world was not worthy to know.)