April 15, 2024

Oh, I Forgot

Almost every year of my life I witness the crazy renewal of life following months of barrenness that was forced upon nature by brutally cold temperatures, winds, ice, and storms. Then, later, with everything in full bloom, I completely forget how unlikely this verdant growth appeared just a short time before.

Afterwards, when my life is marred by darkness, pain, or death, I despair and swear all is lost, disregarding my past history of survival and growth–and nature’s miraculous cycle that I so recently witnessed.

April 11, 2024

To Soften My Cynical Soul

I wake up many days a non-believer, usually because life has disappointed me, people have disappointed me, or I have disappointed me.

If I don’t get to work on changing this non-believer state, I inevitably make life more difficult for myself and for those who are unlucky enough to exist along side of me. The remedy is always what I choose to focus upon.

Yesterday, I read the court testimony of my friend who was a victim of the Oklahoma City bombing twenty-nine years ago. His tenacity and determination to love God through it all gave me hope.

The day before that I read and reread the historical words of Jesus.

The day before that I watched and listened to comedy until my heart was light enough to be grateful.

Today I sang songs.

Whatever it takes.

Now, to work.

April 8, 2024

When the Sun Doesn’t Shine

I will latch on to that which will carry me

Through pain and past fear

To a place where I can remember

Who I am

After the darkness leaves me wondering

Because I can slip so easily into depression or despair I must schedule time to take direction from those who’s character is a light in the darkness. Angels are standing by. Yet it all comes down to what I prioritize.

March 5, 2024

ISH

I have been surprised that “ish” is now a certified word-game word, as in happyish, busyish, and any other word you want to stick it on the end of. The dictionary definition of ish is to an extent. The children’s book by Peter H. Reynolds uses the word to encourage us to keep using our talents even if we are not exactly where we want them to be–as in when we are drawing a vase and it only looks like a vase to an extent.

For many years, before this book was published and way before ish became widely used, my nephew, Justin and I have used ish differently: as an abbreviation for “I’m Super Happy.” It was our code word, especially when we were feeling the opposite of super happy. Because of that, I always smile when I hear or use the word ish and can see Justin’s face change when he says it! Thank God for the power of our words to make us better.

You go Ish! I’m super happy!

March on!

February 28, 2024

Leaving a Souvenir

I have walked the earth for thirty years and, out of gratitude, want to leave some souvenir.”

-Vincent Van Gogh

It seems that the secret to leaving worthwhile souvenirs begins with gratitude: gratitude for the entire experience, appreciation for the importance of everything, passion for the opportunity to see what I see, feel what I feel, and give what I have–whatever that may be.

So very glad that Van Gogh left some souvenirs. They are powerful and I don’t know why.

Why do certain people move us? Intrigue us? Change us?

Maybe because they are all in.

February 27, 2024

This One Little Day

Those voices again.

Chattering about my demise

About my inability to take care of

This one little day

But I will rise with power

Above them all and say

This moment is mine.

How dare you take it away?

Meet me at it’s end.

I’ll show you

What I’ve done

With this one little day.

To my God a heart of flame, to my fellow-men a heart of love, to myself a heart of steel.

-Saint Augustine

February 17, 2024

Becoming the Person I Thought I Was

Sometimes through the miracle of a dream or a random flash of vulnerability, I see an unflattering picture of myself through someone else’s eyes.

In that instant, something radical will happen to me. I will either side-step the revelation by activating my defense-mechanisms and covering my pain with all manner of creative camouflage or I will decide to learn.

As painful as it is, these are magic moments in my life, moments when I grow up, when I become kinder and better and become more of the person I thought I already was.

Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly…

January 28, 2024

But, Can I Pay Attention?

I may be broken or broke, but having a life that is stimulating, interesting, engaging, and life-giving begins here:

I simply do not distinguish between work and play. To pay attention, this is our endless and proper work.

-Mary Oliver, poet and philosopher

There have been times for most of us when we have made even play into unenjoyable work–when the game was beating us or when the circumstances were not what we had imagined they would be. Ever had a miserable vacation?

Yet, we have also had the power to turn even cleaning toilets into a gift by paying attention to the significance of any moment that we decide to completely inhabit with thinking, moving, seeing, serving, feeling, or merely remembering the unlikelihood of our existence.